The effort to end domestic violence in our communities and across the country continues to be challenged by the many misconceptions regarding who is victimized, what their options are, even what it is. As we head into Domestic Violence Awareness Month, support for victims is crucial, but just as important is education – the earlier the better – on the elements of healthy relationships so victims recognize their situation and young people do not grow up to become victims.
What is intimate partner violence?
Domestic violence is more accurately referred to as intimate partner violence because it is abuse that most often occurs between spouses, ex-spouses, dating partners, live-in partners, and ex-partners. It is seen among opposite- and same-sex partners, teens and adults. A common misconception is that violence must be physical. It is more than that. Victims of intimate partner violence experience:
- Physical violence – Hitting, punching, kicking, or other physical force.
- Sexual violence – A sex act or attempted sex act, including sexting, that is forced upon a partner without consent.
- Psychological abuse – Verbal and non-verbal aggression, including controlling behavior, gaslighting, and isolation tactics, that causes emotional harm to a partner or makes him or her feel powerless or worthless.
- Stalking – Repeated contact, including following, messaging, gifts, or other attention, that is unwanted and causes one to feel unsafe.
Who are the victims?
While it is true that more women experience domestic violence than men, violence between intimate partners can and does happen to men at the hands of women. It affects all ages including teens, young adults, and elderly, and impacts opposite- and same-sex couples. It crosses all socio-economic boundaries, from families who may be impoverished or seem troubled to wealthy couples who are friendly, social, and well-adjusted.
Consider these statistics:
- 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men have experienced domestic violence – physical, sexual, or stalking – in their lifetime. These numbers include only reported physical abuse, not emotional abuse.
- Of those reporting experiencing domestic violence in their lifetime, 11 million women and 5 million men reported they first experienced such violence under age 18, making them victims of teen dating violence.
- An estimated 43 million women and 38 million men have experienced psychological aggression, verbal, and emotional abuse, by their partner.
Why don’t they leave?
One of the most misunderstood aspects of domestic violence is why a victim of abuse does not leave. The reasons are complex and range from economic hardship to fear. A primary goal of Domestic Violence Awareness Month is making resources readily available so that victims understand their options, have a place to go, and feel safe doing so.
But an abuse victim’s reluctance to leave the relationship often is complicated by other issues as well.
- Victims may believe the problems in the relationship are their fault – they made their partner angry or failed to do something for their partner.
- Abusers do not abuse all the time. Victims will often cite the times they see their partners when they are gentle, generous, and apologetic.
- Abuse victims may be terrified to leave because their abusers have threatened them. When a victim makes the decision to leave, this is often when they are most in danger of severe abuse or even death.
- If children are involved, victims may fear for their safety and/or be reluctant to take them away from their schools and their neighborhood friends, or if the abusive partner is the breadwinner, they may not be able to afford to take care of them.
- Calling the police creates a cascade of concerns for victims, including fear of retribution, not wanting the abusive partner to go to jail, and distrust of the police.
Supporting victims of domestic violence
Women and men who have been abused physically and/or psychologically often believe they have no options, that they are not worthy of better, or that they simply cannot take care of themselves. Providing them with support, reassurance and resources is the best chance of empowering abuse victims and ending domestic violence. Most importantly, experts emphasize not giving up on them.
If you or someone you love is experiencing an unhealthy relationship, the professionals at Stark Women’s Center may be able to help provide resources to guide you. If you have been injured due to abuse, don’t wait to get treatment. Contact Stark Women’s today for more information.